i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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