Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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