I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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