A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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