was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
