Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
