Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
