My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
