we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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