I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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