The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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