You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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