My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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