So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
