He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
