I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
