Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
