OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
