Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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