Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
