I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
