Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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