never play flip cup with pint glasses
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
