im six kinds of drunk right now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
