....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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