I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
