drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
