I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
