so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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