and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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