omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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