yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i now understand why vodka
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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