What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
