I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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