Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
