also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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