he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
