I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
