i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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