Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
