she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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