is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
