dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
