He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
