I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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