I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
