I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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