No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
