please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
