Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
