You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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