so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
