He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize