Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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