Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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