I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
