____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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