i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
