So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
tell me about the eggs
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