I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
