Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
