There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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