I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
