okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
