i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
