She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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