I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
