After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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